Heather - Days Forty-four thru Fifty-four

I feel like it has been an eon since I wrote here. But I looked back and my last entry wasn't even two weeks ago. That is still too long to go, but not as bad as I thought...considering....

I have just spent the last two weeks working sixty hours, barely seeing my home except to sleep on four of the seven days, trying to work on my relationship, and get at least six hours of sleep a night with varying degrees of success. I am frankly exhausted. I have been practicing - Ashtanga, Vinyasa, Yin, but not daily. In some ways I feel like a failure to this blog. But the truth is I took on this challenge in order to deepen my practice of yoga and develop a stronger understanding of my life and body and mind so that I could create a better balance of work, spiritual endeavor, and human relationships. Unfortunately, my first two months have been more about watching how out of balance my life really is - ironically. I obviously spend A LOT of time working. Sixty hours is way too much, but I have been working about 45 minimum for much too long and without a regular weekly day off - ever. The days I get off are the ones I take off to go somewhere or do other things like yoga workshops, visit family, etc. And much of the rest of my time is spent one of three ways:
1. With my boyfriend (yay!), but even he is so busy we have to schedule ahead to make a date - and it is a weekly commitment that we have set up together.
2. traveling between jobs, home, practice, the boyfriend's
3. sleeping.
I rarely see my friends anymore, I am not able to get in a daily practice because I am so exhausted so often, and I don't have ANY time to grocery shop or cook so that I can eat foods that fill me with energy and nourishment. I want to emphasize that I am not whining here. I am just coming to realize that my life is not going the exact direction I need and want it to. And before I was just trying to get through on a daily basis, making schedules that I was too exhausted to follow through on and not knowing exactly what to do to fix anything and feeling a little lost. But this past week has been some revelations for me. I had a meeting with the owner of my yoga studio where I teach and work and we came to the conclusion that working the desk may not be supporting my teaching and practicing. So I am going to step down in November, increase my hours at Starbucks, and practice more, teach more and have a real day off each week. I am nervous and excited. The money is good right now. But in my heart, it isn't worth the sacrifices I am having to make.

Another exciting endeavor is a workshop I am taking with Kate O'Donnell, my Ashtanga teacher. She has been working with and studying Ayurveda for quite some time and has graciously set up a fall and spring workshop series to offer guidance on all things yogic that aren't covered deeply in an asana class including an organized cleanse. It started this morning and we were set up with learning neti and nasya, toungue scraping, some simple hatha yoga, and nodi sodana. We discussed, lightly, doshas, and food. This week is the prep week of cutting out or at least down things like meat, dairy, caffeine, refined sugars and flours. The cleanse is the 9-day Kichiri cleanse. She is asking that we decide if we can do 9 days or make a decision in advance of how many days (4 being a minimum) that we can commit to. I look forward to this month and the journey within the journey I am taking. This month will not only be about cleansing the body, but about cleansing my life and clearing it of the obstacles that stand in the way of health and happiness. What a life!!!


So, as hard as this is for me to say, maybe the initial rules that I set for myself need to be thrown out. This is indeed 365 days of yoga, but not 365 days of asana. Maybe it will become 10 months of asana or 9 or six or two, but I can promise that I am putting yoga into practice everyday whether it is the added patience in a difficult personal encounter, a period of seated meditation, a yoga class or self-practice or some time for personal reflection and evaluation.

Wishing you hapPiness and metta from a little dot in the universe called Boston,
Heather